Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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