You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
