CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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