I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize