that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize