I don't usually arrange sex via text message
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
