I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
