sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
