Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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