its not stalking. its research.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am mentally ready for anal.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
