Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize