i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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