So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
this hospital has no fireball
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
