i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
