dude i'm inner monologue high
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
