hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think my vagina is haunted
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
