We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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