I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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