I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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