Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
