You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My feet surprised me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
