It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
