I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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