how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
