oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Of course I have a pirate flag
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
