Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As shirtless as possible
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
