I think my fart just growled at me.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
