Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
