just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
