I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My cat gives me a boner
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
