i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
