Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
