Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
40s are totally the cure
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
