Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
