im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
