Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
