I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
