one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Where are you guys?
Drunk
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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