if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
