I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
