Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Someone shit on the floor
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
