my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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