What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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