He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
