I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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