His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
