So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
