apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
