Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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