the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
