I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
