We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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