dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
