I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize