3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
