I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
