Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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