8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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