it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She tied me up with her honor cords...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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