K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm too high and old for this...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize