The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
