You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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