Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
