dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize