I cockslap morals
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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