Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
