Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
