I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i out mim tonsoeep
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