when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
