i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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