My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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