I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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