if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
