He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
