and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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