it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
