I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
