i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
