Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
