i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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