either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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