oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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