When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
