genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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