But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
