apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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