you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
