She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
time to smoke my breakfast
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So vagazzling was a success
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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