i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
