Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
