Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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