well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
