Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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