Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
