She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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