I'm gonna have a badass scar
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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