Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize