Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
