Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize