she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
