I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
