I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
