I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
