I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's never too late to be topless.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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