Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
