I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
