She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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