Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
